The pleasure limit

When something doesn’t feel good, we tend to focus all our attention and energy on it.

We vent to our close friends…

We stay up late wondering what if we had done something else instead…

We catch ourselves at random points in the day thinking about how we can make that icky feeling or situation go away...

When I was burned out, all I wanted was to get out of that haze.

All my self-care, my education, my work patterns, my rest habits…all of it was focused on this one goal.

When something feels good on the other hand, we often allow ourselves to feel that way for only so long. We have what's referred to as an "upper limit" in the coaching world, coined by The Big Leap author, Gay Hendricks.

Essentially, we put conditions on whether, when, and how much we can feel good––feel pleasure––in our lives:

Maybe we allow ourselves to feel it:

just as a reward after reaching a goal…

just after making a certain amount of money…

just after being recognized by someone we admire…

just at work…

just at home…

just in the bedroom…

just with food...

just with exercise...

just with certain people...

Oh. I'd like to get rid of all those "justs."

But I’ve fallen into this trap, too.

For example, when I’m absorbed in reading a good book, I go back and forth between wanting to restrict myself from reading so I can stretch it out as long as possible and wanting to devour it whole in one sitting.

And often after a successful launch in my business, I celebrate and feel expanded for a few days. Then sure enough, I slide back into task mode for the next thing––putting joy in the backseat.

There's this feeling of pleasure being finite and precious rather than infinite.

I've been meditating on why we do this to ourselves.

Most likely it comes from a combination of biological, socioeconomic, cultural, and unconscious factors. Like, our brain’s natural negativity bias—in which we have a heightened awareness of perceived threats and failure over success and pleasure. And perhaps for Americans, also our Puritanical roots.

For you, it may be because of something your parent or a teacher said when you were young.

Whatever its origin, we all seem to have a personal limit to feeling good, which impacts our ability to call in our desires.

So if you’ve been wanting to expand your capacity for money, love, career success, creativity, energy, time freedom, safety, or joy…

I invite you to meditate on your relationship to pleasure.

Journal in response to the following:

• Do you have an all-or-nothing approach to pleasure?
• Do you only allow yourself to feel good when you’ve “earned it?”
• How often do you tell yourself, “okay, time to get back to work” when you’re immersed in a fun activity?

And then, to start to increase your capacity for pleasure, I invite you to explore a laugh practice.

A laugh practice is just what is sounds like: you laugh out loud as ridiculously as you can, at least 3 times.

By the end, you may find that you’re genuinely laughing.

Then explore:

• How did that feel?
• Any judgments come up? Any self-consciousness?
• Why do you think that’s the case?
• What does that say about your relationship with feeling good? With joy?

Happy adventuring :)

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